Sweet nd sour day

The day was both sweet nd bitter at the same time....I realised how much he meant to me....bcoz each tym when i feel someone else's presence between us i feel like my heart shattering to pieces...I was soo happy when i saw that pic but when i saw that comment i felt like  killing myself...thousands of thoughts came to my mind...but still i have a firm belief that he belongs to me nd no one else nd that he feels the same way too....one day i'ld definetely be his own nd he mine in all senses and then all these thoughts would become meaningless....Though i have shred about an ocean of tears...it just seems so nice when it was meant for him...it really scares me sometime when i see how much I love him....there seemed no particular reason for
it bcoz he is my whole life nd world...

Going to miss him these days like crazy.......because i really really love him

B'day wishes to my sweetheart ....

The First B'day of my sweetheart with me....I want it to be the loveliest day of his entire life...Though I wont be with him practically, I left my heart with him, nd it'll be with him everywhere he goes.....Love him sooo madly...cant wait to be his own....God plz let me be with him as soon as u allow......I want him as my own....I want to spent by whole time with him...being his own ....

Sending him warm birthday wishes from the bottom of my hearts....Today mrng as he wake up I want him to feel my sweet apology on his forehead....then on his nose...his cheeks.....his lips....followed by an attack there :D ....then to his neck....hmmmm............all these butterflies makes me crazy......but love these being a gift from my sweetheart......My own.....

May God bless him with all the happiness and fulfill all his wishes and dreams....praying for letting me be a part of it...to share his sorrows nd happiness......want to be with him till my last breath....love u dearrrrrr

I'll always hold ur hands nd be with u till the ma last breath

I'll hug u tightly to let u feel how much i love u

Apology on ur forehead....for my care

Apology on lips..for my love

First Meeting....

Last night I went again through all the things I was going to give him...Thought of writing down what I had in my mind...Through my sleepy eyes I wrote it.....Kept it with the rest and then after praying For a gr8 day tomorrow,I went to bed...I was too excited to sleep, but somehow I managed imagining him near to me...feeling a great sense of relief...there's no need to be tensed...one day or other this is going to happen....

Today morning,I woke up seeing my mother, good sign, good luck....Suddenly some feeling came my senses...Ho..I'am going to see him for real.....Butterflies seemed to be flying in my stomach.....praying for a gud day, I stepped out of the bed....Everything seemed to be normal...I lighted the candle as usual and prayed to my dearest god, to make everything normal and carefree...i lost my appetite but managed to eat something.....rustled to get ready......I got delayed....but managed to get into the bus...I messaged u nd waited for ur response...to ease my feelings,I played some gud songs, felt gud...nd then came his call....I told  to call me when he reach there....

As the bus neared the place, I started getting nervous...felt every eyes looking me...maybe there's a smile on my face..they might think i am crazy...I stepped out of my bus..nd I had to add something to my gift...I rushed to the shop...Oh GOD!! how will i ask it? My first time...gathering all  my guts I asked the shopkeeper the red rose... another one of the helper boy came to my help...showed some but they didnt look so good ...seeing my face, he showed me another set ...my fav type,cute nd tiny.....He seemed to understand my situation...Helped me in selecting one....I gave a warm thankful smile nd left....so finally over with the gift....I looked the watch...maybe I have more time...so I went to finish the other work...just as I entered the shop..I got a call ...God ,has he reached?

He was asking me where to get down...I decided to go to the bus stand.....Felt like time running....within some minutes I will be meeting him...As I got there,I went to stand in a place more secluded and just as I got there,I got the call, asking me where I was...so,..we were just some feets away,I scanned my eyes across different direction, looking for a person with mobile,I saw 1 or 2 , but not him,  finally my heart stopped for a sec...his face, about 10 feet away, recognised him all of a sudden...I walked towards him...The first thing I noted was ,Thank God , he has height !!!...:D ..so problem solved....first thing was as usual " hello" ....I tried to catch a quick glimpse ....Loved the way he was...loved everything,  eyes, eyebrows, the way of talking, but I didnt think that he watched me like that,I asked him about his hands ,seeing his hands, I resisted my urge to hold his hands and get a better look of it, but he dropped down his hands, hmm maybe after some time .....and as usual carefree talking,which i love soo much
I didnt feel any tension in facing him,even not after being aware that he was meeting me for the first time....we decided to take a walk,i was completely lost, had no sense where i was going...there were times when we spoke ,times when we remain silent....being nervous of walking by the side...i tried to walk as close as possible....i felt i bumped him several times....but it strangely felt good, walking beside someone,not just someone , the one who was meant for me....great feeling....i felt some angels stealing glances, tried to suppress my feelings,.....we continued our walk....at times, i felt like grabbing ur arms, but this is public....hmm......while crossing the roads i felt like holding his arms, still resisted it.....felt like several staring at us...whats there to look anyway...a boy nd girl walking,as simple as that,why does everyone seem to have a problem with this....felt soo gud, walking by the sides...he seems to be fast, but i'll catch up to it,surely,i managed to stare at him for about 5 or 6 time....have he seen me for sure...i dont think so....whenever he turns his face to  look me,as if my relfex i would turn my face....maybe to hide my embarrassment...I have a strong feeling to look at ur eyes, hmmm.....not a nice place to meet...so much rush.....finally we decided to go back to the bus stand.....after reaching there we tried to get glimpse of each other.....different timings, but i could feel when he looked at me....i felt several eyes staring us, felt so uncomfortable....felt like sitting somewhere and talk to u like for hours.....hmm......at a point he asked me if i was ok? ohh plz dont misunderstand its not u...its the other eyes....i tried to look at u several times...at last u said to leave..oh no...not now...hmm....but we didnt get our privacy,its better to leave..

The rest of the day, all I could think was his talking...i see his face when i close my eyes....felt really good....hope he felt the same way....the feeling was so intense....felt like my life is meant for him and him only....I wanted to meet him again, next time more private,where we could sit nd talk,...stare each other..look into the eyes...share the hopes nd plans for future.......Love him soooooo much.......My guy, only mine.......

Love u sooooooooooo much.....

I am deeply, madly, crazily in love with u.....With all my hearts....With my whole soul ................Love u dear .......Thanking god for giving u in my life......Hope he'll make us one.........Feeling like hugging u nd give u apologies madly.... i'm definitely crazy

Moody days...

Its been a week since I'd logged into my account...Today I missed this like anything....I cant judge my feelings right now..all I can say is that this is definitely not my days....Mind is filled to its brim...nd i'm dying to shout or say something  but what??I dont know.....kind of mixed emotions.....evrything else but not happy.....Keeping myself away from  everything.....even from the chat sometimes....feeling to sit alone take some time to myself, but nothing....I dont know what I feel...Maybe i'm just crazy

Days have passed and these days were just the most memorable days in my life...I havent talked to anyone this openely....it is like heaven....feeling filled up to the brim....nd I dont want nything else in my life....I'm just fully nd completely happy...Life hasnt been this fair to me ....I'm sort of loving this life now...

Then why do I feel this way....there is a period when all have to pass through a depression phase...Is that's what happening to me...eventhough i have no reason to cry,tears r brimming in my eyes....eventhough I there is no reason to be sad,I am moody.....Oh god!! please let me out of these.....I wanted to spend more time with him...plz..plz..plz..

To get rid of this boredom I startd a movie...nd guess what it was like oil added to the fire....I dont want a time like this..i want to be the normal me..happy nd cheerful...trying to make others happy...spending time with mickey...bringing smile to my parents face....making my spl one happy nd relaxed......I just want to be me!! ..For the first time in my life i didnt took my remote 2day...deliberately missed my serials.....ohh this time is killing me...I want a normal life.......:(

Maybe this is bcoz i missed this sunday.....tomorrow i'l be coming to u god,plz keep me normal...make my mind relaxed and focused....everything's gonna be ok...... really miss his voice.... god,plz I want the normal me back....no more of this disgusting feelings......miss him soo badly..........I'm going to bed hoping for a pleasant tomorrow.....church first ......

I miss my dear.........so badly,love u like nything........dont want to compare nything else to that feeling....I've nvr felt this strong feeling of affection to nyone else....mean a lot to me.....my whole life wouldnt be sufficient to express how i feel for u........

Hormones Raging .......

I missed a day's post....there is nothing left to tell actually.....I told almost everything to u...my feelings, how u feel 2 me....for the first tym i told that 3 words, felt like world still at a moment between us....I wished I could be with u that moment...u mean the world to me....u r everything to me...I couldnt find ny words more than this...If there is anything I value dearer than me,that would be u
I miss u more than nything else...every seconds, all I can think about is u....in sleep ,wherever i go whatever i go...completely lost , mad nd crazy about u....sometimes I fear how much I love u...I haven't loved nyone like this b4 ...its completely a new feeling....God! plz dont end this..bcoz its a pleasant happy feeling...I havent had these much happy moments b4 in my life...feel like my life is full now...nothing more nothing less....completely unconditionally in love....

Even without seeing u ,u mean a lot to me..my only worry is the day when we'll meet.....what would u feel....what if i am nt upto ur expectations nd all...hope it will all turn out fine....

I want to continue with this feeling 4ever nd ever....hope we r really meant for each other....I havent asked for nything 4 my future life....jst a simple normal life...If I get u ,I would be the happiest luckiest one....God ,plz plz plz...asking u desperately......plz make everything fine between us....I havent felt like this before nd I dont want this to end ever...

Whatever I say,..it doesnt seem to be sufficient to express my feelings..feel like the world is just meant for us....feeling to be with u always, to comfort u, share with u  the happiness nd sorrows... Definitely I am on the verge of an emotional outbreak.... <3 u frm the bottom of my heart...

Finally !!!

Yesterday as I was writing the blog ,an embarrassing incident occurred..I was pretty late yesterday...and I had sooo much to write ,as I was writing I got a gudnight msg...seeing the name I thought it was u,I was so happy ,nd told not to sleep, bcoz urs will be ready within 10 min, nyways happy seeing ur msg nd a kissing smiley...the reply was a wide grin....whn I completed I gave a gudnight msg, sleep tight,tc , kissing smiley....then came a reply , that he needed a treat for the last day....again thinking it was u,I said there's several debts for u,so clear it first,thn i'll give this one (i meant apology of course).....the next msg was he'll come with our classmates ....then something struck me nd whn I looked, Ohh!! its not u, its my classmate....What to do?....all I could think was telling him sry and the msg wasnt meant for u....Hoping he wouldnt get ny doubt,I told it was for my childhood frnd.....All he did was sending wide grin smiley saying its ok, nd he was going to call me to ask what happened.....nyways a complete blow to my head, as soon as I can I changed his name with a surname clg to it...Then I msged u telling the same, I hoped for a missed frm u...but nothing....nyways I went to bed

All that came to my dreams where, Me being a laughstock in front of  the whole class....then some bits of our first day meeting encounter, me being tensed... what to wear nd all .....and the dream went on its path ...at last I woke up and a sudden sense of happiness.....0 days left :D

Morning was pretty boring,so went to help mom,as I logged in ,I saw ur msg and jumped with joy.....at last back to normal routine....but thn I sensed ur mood....felt like u r hiding .....and the worst feeling, i felt like u getting bored of me...I tried as hard as I can but thn u asked that ridiculous qn...i felt like killing myself....the timing was so accurate and the electricity went off

I msg my reply,nd with a sad and heavy heart went to sleep..as I woke up ,I was nervous what ur reaction would be...so again logged in and msged u.....Again ur cold response ,u told ur morning was boring nd all...thn u told about that hr problem...hope that's the reason for this mood....Then  I asked u why u asked that qn....ur reply didnt quite convinced me...so out of nowhere tears came to my eyes.....


Later the evng and night was pretty good,bcoz I felt u relieved nd happy.....we went on our usual track..made plans on meeting....Ohh the next tension ...how will that turn out ?...Hoping everything will be fine nd leaving it in the hands of almighty....

BACK TO THOSE USUAL LATE NIGHT CHATTING :D

Last day of waiting .... :D

There would have been a smile in my face for sure....That was the longest ,weirdest and and most romantic situation I'd ever experienced ...Apologies,different kinds,different backgrounds,with lights and without lights...cutest,sweetest,I hate to use this word but sexiest too...hmm....it seemed like an episode and to add the spice ,the thrilling part... I was speaking something very low, in fact murmuring into phone one night sneaking at my kitchen ...I remember every detail, the chair ,table nd all and suddenly out of nowhere my mom rushes into kitchen, I was whispering and seeing her ,I panicked cut the call and placed the phone on the table...my heart was thumping hard...she looked so hard and asked who I was talking to, and she took the phone....I feared she might look the dialed calls....That was the last scene in my sense ...How could my dream be sweet nd sour at the same time? ..

As I woke up, I sat in my bed for a couple of minutes to make sure it was a dream... then I  remembered its sunday, thn as usual comes my call ...my mom and father shouting out my name... why do they have to shout ? ..what would cost them to just come near me and gently say that....It seems that shouting is the only way they can communicate .... With disgust, I step out ,prayed for a nice day in my mind , and then came a big bright sense of happiness ....last day of waiting ,from tomorrow back to online കത്തി വെക്കല്‍  ....not a completely bad day....


I get fresh and dressed to go to church....At church throughout my prayers ,I remembered u and my family and frnds ... Prayed everything to go well and smoothly,everything to be good....back from church, I looked my phone and then saw it crowded with msgs,...FRIENDSHIP DAY!! ..ohh i totally forgot it...I typed the reply to almost everything and some special one to my dear friends...Then I felt bored sitting nothing to do...thought of giving u a msg...I didnt think I could call u today...Then I logged into my account ..after sometime I noticed ur like notices on the left...so u must be there too ...As I was going to say hlo...there came ur msg....The first think that came to my mind was to ask whether that ihrd was there too.....that girl is surely to be my victim one day!!!......then u said u had to tell something....as u insisted u have to tell it on the phone...I sensed it'ld be a girl matter,, thn came in my mind that mangalore one....Does these girls have no other job?...thousands of boys hanging freely ,why messing here....god,plz have mercy on me....u said she's online there now....I'd kill her !!.....time went on....nyways tomorrow is my day.....I get u all for myself and nobody else....ohh!! If u had been here I'd have given u thousands of hits...thank god ..u r saved...To add my tensions there came a msg ,of the one I mentioned,soo much emotional, I thought I'd better say, I'm not interested straightaway ,I expressed it in a lighter manner telling I am nt planning 4 a marriage atleast for 2 yrs...to my despair,he said his parents are looking for a girl and he thought of asking me, nd he too is in an opinion of getting married after 2 or 3 yrs...I gave him a k, nd set my chat again....Its better to ignore ....

After 5.00 to my luck,my parents went to drop my cousin(she's lucky for me sometimes)...I dialed u as soon as I can ,I couldnt wait to hear what u had to say...To my despair u didnt say anything properly...Said that mangalore one called u...and also there was a call from an unknown number...hmm....I hate ur vodaphone completely ,in every sense.....network ,the operators and also the customer care.......As we went on, I was actually not planning to tell this one,but came to my mouth...abt that guy....and then :@ :@, ur i'msoocool reply,,I felt like dying thousand deaths, come there strangle ur neck with my hand (but not to kill u definitely) , chasing u and giving u a nice blow... such a cold response....:( hmm.....then u told u want to get me angry....seriously...if I get angrier than this I'ld be worse ....a mere apology would never calm me then......and thn my parents returned,I was abt to give u apology,whn u asked for it....this tym too,I didnt ask urs...what a fool.....when am I going to get a proper one from u...Either u wont give,or whn u r ready,I wont be asking.... :(
next tym surely

Hopefully tomorrow, I get back with my normal routine....spending hours with u....talking needs recharge....We have a plan to meet, oh!! how would it turn out?....nervous and happy at the same time...


Tomorrow, I need to fire u (but what to say)....anyways I'm still mad at u... :p just a little but mad definitely


Ho!! feeling great after expressing everything , every frustration here....
Waiting for a gr8 day tomorrow....feeling like the tops of the world, a full morning without u, but I can manage bcoz the time is getting less....not a full 24 hr left....Praying for a superb dream filled with suspense and thrills....hoping u too have a gr8 one, this tym if u go for any angels u r definitely going to enjoy tomorrow bcoz I'l definitely freak out.... hope u sleep well and tight ,without waking up at 2 or 3.....without any vodafone interruption.....

Pink Rose nd Coffee for dreams :p

Pretty fine day....

As I woke up today,I felt nervous...eventhough it was a great one,I was feeling bad....To worsen it up ,I got a cold too, I took some pills....I spent a gr8 deal of time thinking wear an I went for a simple and cute one ,white nd dark green print.....As usual I got  firing from my dear father for being late.... Ohh!! I feared this is definitely not my day and somehow went with my parents...On the way I kept my mouth shut and face somewhat hostile...on my way I got the call from my friend who is goin to be receiving the prize along with me..she said our name was announced to be seated ...ohh!! another flaw from me,my father was right I am indeed late..
As we made it to college half an hour b4 the scheduled time,I was on the verge of embarrassment ,my father was as cool as if it was he who studied there...i saw the stage,the crowd was so big,I felt like running back..Me and my friend was given a seat specially at the front...I felt my legs shaking...I felt the same feeling from my friend beside me,so its not only me...we went on with our hostel and future discussions,...time passed by ,the crowd was getting thick..more nd more of press and politicians...I was running my eyes across the entire length to see someone familiar and giving them smiles...at last he time came,the chief guests came and sat on the stage...some boring and some inspirational speeches ,then one of our junior came and told us to come backstage, Finally the time!!....with shivering legs we approached the backstage and there we were met my our teachers,they managed to give us congrats and then they started the announcement, First went my from from electronics and the hoooo me...I took a look at the audience ,saw my parents ,my father was frantic ,I took a look at my mom,she was smiling , ... I felt soo happy at that time...I gave something for my parents to be happy about..this is what I wanted ...I felt much braver...I went and received that one...I walked out with my friend ...and then all I could think about was u...so I msged u...then came ur call back ,same time my appa also called so I had to cut that and then I called u , hearing ur voice made me indeed more happy ...


After leaving the function, I started feeling the effect of pills,I  was feeling dizzy and a slight headache ....as I reached home ,I logged in to see u online ,whn u were nt there I dialed u, felt good....and when u said u could have come everyday ,i felt like giving u a pinch....but then I felt that it made me realise how much I miss u....think always positively......seeing the better side of it,I felt its ok....my headache was killing me and I felt more dizzy....with jst 1% mind I asked if I could go offline...I really wanted to sit there,but my brains was opposing it...I thought I;d call u later,b4 my parents are back...as fast as I can I dumped myself into bed....when I opened my eyes and looked my parents were back and I felt  sad I didnt  call u...I left u a msg....I was scared if u will feel bad......Hope I could call u tomorrow....


the rest of evening was soo boring.....then I called my brother and talked to him for hours... I felt good and calm...It is his birthday today...Praying my god give all the happiness in his life...take it from me and give it to him....bcoz he is the best that anyone can have...I missed u soo much while I talked to my brother ,felt like talking to u,  and  let ur life be filled with with all that u desire...like the way u want it ,praying to god ,for u ,ur happiness, bcoz u r really someone special to me,a gud person ,one I can trust ... ohh!! miss u so much ,less than 48 hrs left now....want to get back with my typing skills....


I love hearing to your worries and sharing mine with u...love talking to u...love missing u so dearly, ...I just hope that u say everything to me without any hiding and feeling of hurting me.....I can promise u that u would never hurt me ...My eyes r heavy again ....feeling to sleep again.....with all the sweet memories of u ....48 hrs only....the clock starts ticking ....there will come a time when we meet,looking forward for it....

Can't wait till 6th ..... :(

Yet another morning missing u.....I woke up today with a feeling of emptiness ..I looked for the time 7.15 ,my head was still heavy,...I looked at the mirror eyes were swollen and the pimple worsening,its definitely going to leave a mark on my face...I wondered what u'ld be doing and thought u'ld still be in bed..

I spent the rest of the day watching movie,reading magazines and then a sweet long chat with my mom...,advises...I felt a deep guilt inside me...hope everything  would be fine...I missed u a lot and to kill my  time I browsed the net ,played some boring games....and to my relief my parents decided to go out after 5.30 ...my soul was jumping up nd down...I rushed to leave u a msg ,asking if u r free...I jst expected a missed ...but thn came ur msg.... "WOWIEE "...ho...U sent me a  msg!!! hmmm.....loved it a lot.......


I kept on looking the clock to strike 5 ....my mom told me to cook and without much concentration I cooked something in a rush ...God knows how it'd taste ...at last 5 ,home alone .... :D :D I left u a msg and dialed u....thn came ur voice at the other end....felt a sense of relief in my mind as if ur voice is a soothing balm...u seemed so different from the usual tone...tension free....and romantic too....maybe bcoz of the hangover of the film....anyways loved it so much ...as usual u continue with ur usual teasing ..little less this time ...except with that ihrd adoor ....hope i'd get to know that girl and tell her to stop messing with my property.....hmm.....why does she have to chat whn she should be concentrating in her studies......feeling jealous....I felt really gud speaking to u...wish i could speak longer....these bills and time is definitely becoming the villains.....wondering if u r feeling the same way I feel...missing badly,suffocated ,desperately finding a way to kill time .......u r definitely changing me a lot,...I just dont want to get over with this feeling.....

I went back to my usual serials....with mind wandering somewhere...feeling lonely ..... why wouldn't the time pass.....the only thing I'm happy about is that its just 3 more days left.....

Thinking of tomorrow makes me nervous...but with u it seems easy....

Day of absolute boredom........

I woke up this morning after a very deep sleep,I didnt even remember any of my dreams .... I felt sad bcoz I want u in my dreams and everywhere where I am...I sensed today is going to be a boring day.....Mom was busy with household works..and I knew I'd never be able to call u today....felt really sad...I left u a msg hoping u'ld atleast have a gr8 day...


I was killing my time by watching movies...and I caught a glimpse of treasure hunter but it was the climax...I got a comment from my mom asking me what happened to ur face ,I rushed to the mirror ,there is a big pimple on my face...mom said someone's really thinking about me...eventhough its a superstition I loved to believe it and the pimple is really hurting me...for the first time I felt good about having marks in my face.....someone's is missing and thinking about me !!!


When I was on the verge of missing u I got a missed  from u..I looked and saw my mom busy ,so I rushed to my room and dialed u but u didnt pick...thought u'ld kept ur mobile somewhere...and waited ..after some time ,I again gt a missed frm u,but my mom was near me so I didnt dial u back..It was every bit of tom and jerry....when I was sitting alone I took a flash back ,all those days late night chatting,some embarrassing discussions :D ,our views on future partner and life ,places, dreams ,fog ,angel ,ur fav vin,the first time we talked, ,how u asked me that qn,how I reacted to it,one night that changed everything,my sleepless hours thinking over nd over confused,lyrics from BSB "my fav now", apologies, coffee, possessiveness ,the way u teased me , how I hurt u ,pink and red rose ,the plans we had ....so on... I thought of writing a post soon ......


Just as I finished it, I got a missed from u, like u have sensed it, It really made me miss u so badly I wanted to hear from u ....and then u called ..evn if it lasted for some sec,It was a huge relief for me....I came online asap ..and the first thing I noted was ur photo that brought a big smile on my face...we just had about 5 min and I had to tell u a lot...I frantically typed everything as soon as I can...and I felt happy u dreamt me ,chatting with u last night....the time passed like seconds....and then ur chatter went off ....ohh!! again  4 more days left.... I cant even wait a min more.....Missing u soo much ....


Hope the time pass quickly,I need those times again ,.....4 more days ...less thn 96 hrs ...hmm....and I am looking for good sweet baby names......


Saying good night ....feeling happy another day has passed....tomorrow another day less....

Memories!!!........

I'm sitting bored an lonely and all I could think of is u....Missing u sooo badly....The memories are rushing to my mind .....the time we spend and all those what we've discussed. .....sweet moments .....

I'm wondering what u r doing this time....hearing songs? movie ? or dialing ur fav customer care ? :p .... hope to hear ur voice 2day....if only i could get a chance......

5 more days to go.......Count down starts now....

Dear blog,


This morning I  woke up fresh because I slept for many hours and in my dreams were u and me and of course sweet apologies...I was feeling soo happy and somehow I felt today is going to be nice....


Morning was good...I left u a msg, and I had to go for shopping with my father...everywhere I go ,I imagined u besides me and I was feeling that sort of energy...with a face full of wide grin...the people are going to think I am crazy....My morning went like that...wherever I go,I would look around ...hoping to see u r somewhere there.... whn I returned I saw ur missed and I was way beyond happy , u remembered me !!! :D :D ...If u were there at that moment I'd have covered u with apologies .... I learned that my parents would go out this evng, then I could call u ....I left u a msg  mentioning the same...hoping for a reply,eventhough I knew for sure u r not going to reply,but u know I can hope atleast....I didnt really feel bad bcoz I was happy I understand u well...

Desperately killing time till evng...I was rushing my parents out of my house...and at last alone :D...I dialled u and as usual ...ur so cute nd darling voice on the other end.... I'd kill myself for it....we continued our talk and u told me u didnt sleep last night...dat's not gud...I sleep like a baby and u hardly get to sleep some hours...hmm....hope u''ll get over it...I was scared at some point of our conversation were u did nearly get caught...plz dont get urself in trouble bcoz of me...I wanted to be the cause of ur happiness not the cause of ur new problems...As always u needed the apology... Sry to say but u r definetely a MISER ...Its bad manner to keep a girl waiting ... :p ....so I'm really looking forward to the time u'll return all these... it makes me smile thinking of it...u r definetely going to be out of ur breath.....Hope one day I'll get to see u...But I'm worried what u've imagined of me... It scares me if u r looking for a korean girl like beauty and zero size  figure......hmmm....hope u wont get too much of a shock :D .....what are we supposed to do that day ... GOD !!


I had to go to  church to see the last of our head of diocese....It was a tiresome waiting....all I enjoyed was seeing the sky and the most beautiful full moon with lots of stars..I missed u a lot..It 'ld have been a romantic view if we were both together....hope u have a gr8 night ...but not with sme other angels .....

Day after a big storm ..........

Last night was something that I didn't want to experience anymore..But I realize that this is nothing compared to the problems we have to face in the future..so a little experience is really good..Eventhough the evening was drastic ,the night turned out to be pretty good,except for ur chatter problem in the midst...and I did something that I cant even believe till now,'Called u at night!!'....u must be pretty shocked urself...but u need to ask for things accordingly.....and I need to control myself....It seems I cant deny anything u ask......

Today,as I woke up ,the didnt miss u ,bcoz u  were in my dreams and we were continuing with out chat...after some time I left u a msg,(gud mrng),somehow I sensed u were still sleeping....after sometime I logged into the chat nd u were nt there...definitely sleeping thn....I felt to give u some time.,but later when I started missing u,I left u a msg to wake up... ''sry.. :p " and u came at last...I guessed u was still in the hangover of yesterdays sleep, smiling inward,I asked u about the dream...nd then it came...."ANGEL"-"lying with u" ," not letting u go" ,and the one that really freaked me out "she's lying with her head on ur chest" :@ :@ ....that was way beyond i could accept....even if one side of my mind keep telling me u r teasing me,the other side was driving me nuts....as days pass ,I am getting more nd more possessive.....If I could control it......I know that u needed ur space but still I couldnt bear sharing u with anybody or anything....I know this character of mine would make u mad one day....I really hope a day like that would never come....I definitely need to control my emotions....

Later ur chat session ended nd I went on with my training...desperately trying to finish it...at noon my parents had to go out, and I thought of calling u...then expecting ur reply call, I went to bed ,since I was tired of waking up early....nd then came ur call, somehow energy seemed to flush up in me..and I dialed u.....as usual u went on with ur teasing.... went on and on ...all I could do was sharply take in the breath hiding my anger and cluching on to my moms cloth hanging ....as soon as I realise the cloth is on the verge of tearing...I let go,nd choose to walk a bit ....again our talk went on and on and trying to sound as normal as I can ,I told u to do as u wish ,go with whoever u want,,nd I dont mind....u as well as me knew the extent to which it is true....(definitely not frm my mind)..I thought i'd try to make u feel the same way too ,but u seemed so carefree...(Is this only my specialty..being jealous)....hmmm......

Then u asked me an apology...why should it have to be me always giving u,nd u never return... :(  ...anyways the debt is rising so u need to find a way to solve it.... :p....The neighbour cow seem to go in sync with our conversation.... clever cow ..... then u asked me whether I know whom I am giving these apology ....yes,u r right ,I never imagined anything how u'ld look ,but its necessary that we need to meet nd we both need to see.... hmm....we need to find a way...

Time was going like anything, my bills r going to be high ....and as to conclude our talk as always u asked for an apology ....I needed u to give one b4 I'd give anymore ,but my parents returned...and all I could think was giving u lots and lots of apologies, and I gave u like many ,I didn't even bothered to count it... 

Later I had to get fresh, help mom and I tried to keep myself busy..My parents went out again but I didnt call u..I didnt want u to get caught also I was tired nd I needed some sleep...leaving u to ur songs ...all I could think was how we'd meet and how we'd react..what u'ld feel ...nd all..leaving it all in the hands of God...let things turn out in its own way...As u said yesterday,let u get all what u wished for...I'd pray for ur good ... hope u r having a gr8 evng

Missing u a lot and lot ...more than u'ld ever think of....waiting for aug 6th , 6 MORE DAYS TO GO.... feeling like being beside u nd hearing ur worries nd of course ur teasing too....what should i do to tease u nd make u feel the same way I do....one day I'll definitely find it....but this is what u make me feel ..I want all of u forever ,just you and me, everyday....

A Day's break for the boredom...

I am extremely sad and left lonely while I am writing this blog.


How could a day that made me happy to the extremes,could end up in tears..
I get to talk to u for hours,and I snatched a sim from my father and I talked without the fear of passing time..I was in the  heights of heights


Then when ur friends kept u busy,nd they fired u , I felt sad ,but taking it in a humour way, I told something nd all of a sudden u went offline.I thought u were busy with ur frnds . But as time passed I sensed something wrong ,nd I I felt its not like u,so I msged u..then came ur reply at chat..u were angry at me..evn then i didnt get the reason...but I doubted it was my dialogue b4..I jst made it sure...whn u said that u r disturbed nd will come after 7.15 ,i couldn't jst control my tears, I went to my room and I felt so bad that I couldn't control and I started to cry . Luckly enough my parents called me for prayer and all I could think of was leaving a message for u..u were  online,nd no msg from u...definitely angry...In my prayers all I prayed was to solve all the misunderstandings....nd came back to my room hiding my tears ...I left u a msg and waited for ur reply, it came at last ..u were not in ur good moods...
How could you think I would say smething that would hurt u knowingly..Why in the hell should I mean that thing...I really felt bad that u didn't understand me ...I understand u were disturbed but leaving me in blank without evn knowing what I did ? U think that's something I'd expect from u.....I'm not angry at u, actually I dnt knw what I'm feeling right now....I just know that my heart is heavy.....

The second day of rest to my fingers.... :p

This is the second day that my fingers are resting from the vigorous typing on the keyboard...I was nearing to be a typing expert...


Sunday....I woke up today morning just as blank as that ...I'm not sure if I've dreamed anything ...but as soon as I get out of my bed,the first thing that came to my mind was..God!! another day completely missing your chat... :(


I had to go to my uncle's 1st year of demise and I was completely left bored...nothing to do...I tried myself to engage in something...talking with the lovebirds there...I was desperately waiting to return home,so I could call u ,bcoz I knew my parents would be visiting my moms house.....and time seemed to be crawling...at last the time came...Finally!! back ..Home,sweet home...

I left u a msg...waiting for ur reply call...between the waiting time,I logged into my blog and looked at its stats...yep,u've read it....at last ur call came..my cousin was sitting beside me...I rushed to back of my house,to accompany mickey....I told him to keep his mouth shut,bcoz i needed to talk to someone special...he seemed to understand that...nd I dialed u...At the other end,ur usual carefree voice...'I just love it'...nd u asked me abt my last wish...oooh...what to say?....again the blood rushed to my face... embarrassed...
All of a sudden I caught a glimpse of my cousin walking by...frantically I cut the call ,without even warning u..not gud manner...I msged u thee reason..and as if god has heard my prayers...she's going for a while...god plz forgive me,definitely not the thing I should do to my sis,bt I couldn't help it....then we talked about like hrs...my parents are going to be shocked by the bills...but I couldn't just put down the receiver...I felt really really gud ,talking to u...God plz show me a way so that I can talk without the fear of bills...I cant even express my words that how much I enjoyed talking to u....Ohh !! I still have to wait 8 days.... :(


As if god wants to save my family from bankrupt,my parents came ,I had to hang up ... :(....hmm....again hours left for the sun to set....why is the time not passing when I'm lonely,...it seems to be running marathon when I am chatting or talking to u....I accompanied my cousin to see the channels that she is seeing...boring ones....Killing time...nothing to do...and I remembering ...YES!! I haven't written the blog...how could it forget it...and here I am...


Tonight,I am going to be alone in my room,my first night without ur presence in my room...Hmm.....nothing to do...just go to sleep ....hope to dream about u....close my eyes,hug my sweety,cutie angely devil pillow... [ Maybe I could read some pages of 50..nd I am definitely going t0 dream in all wilderness ....I sense u will have that naughty grin in ur face ...keep it to urself... :p ...I need something to dream ...and I am going to google for help references... God plz forgive me... nothing bad,I promise.....]

So dear ,, have a gr8 sleep ... nd dont be late to bed...My tip to gain weight....sleep as much as u can .... take care .... and its just 8 MORE DAYS TO GO !!

Missing U Badly :(

As I woke up this morning, my heart was so heavy....I didn't had a dream yesterday..my senses were not working...i was totally blank and sad...Today, after so many days ,I will not be able to chat with u ....As usual,my mom kept me busy with works,and they were planning to visit my moms house...I was not certain if u get my apology last day...so as soon as they left,I logged into my account..nd my soul leapt into heights...a message from u...So ,u read my msg yesterday...I felt slightly happy....


Then I gave u a msg, I was desperately waiting to hear from u..nd then came ur missed..without any moments hesitation,I dialed ur number...and finally at the other end,my relieving aid..."ur voice"...we talked nd talked and I felt happy...and between our conversation...u reminded me of my promise yesterday...Oh God!! ..."apology"....I was embarrassed...Sheesh....how will I give it ?...My mind told me "What r u waiting for"....but on the other side something was pulling me...At last I decided to go with my mind...and for the first time in my life i gave an apology to someone...U really mean a lot to me...
I wanted to talk to u ,like for hours...but the main villain..the balance kept on decreasing....I have to save it to call u for the rest of the days...so reluctantly we cut the call....


Later I was flipping through the channels,to kill my time...and I watched some parts of kabhie kushie kabhie gham....later one of my fav tamil movie khushi...as I watched these it kept on reminding me of u...I watched khushi for the 100th time...yet it seem new to me...


Each of these time, u always remained there in my heart, there wasn't even a single sec without remembering u..I miss u like anything...nd i feel like left alone somewhere ...and all I was left was the wonderful memories that we spent together....Missing U a lot dear...nd yes ,9 mre days to go....hope ,I could call u  tomorrow, but I will be with my parents the whole time...Really hope to hear from u again tomorrow...Hope u will also be feeling the same for me...Take care dear, praying for u ....


With lots and lots of love than u could ever imagine..


Urs,
 Pink Rose

Miss u dear...

Seeing U off !! .......

The title might seem a bit exaggerating ,but yes,this is what i feel.

I was really not in a mood to write today, bcoz my mind was kind of empty,no feelings at all..but thn i felt that i should write this because this is  for u and u mean a lot to me and i cant be selfish with my emotions..So whatever it may be..I thought I'l write it...

Today morning,I woke up with a mixed emotion..little bit tensed, remembering u have to give a reply

to ur bro,happy with my dreams and sad realising this is the last day of chat...but hiding my emotions and praying to god for ur good...I came online...nd I saw ur likes ,comments and tags,so I sensed u r awake too..Definitely tensed ...:( hmm...Then when u came online,u confirmed that and we went on with our usual chat...By afternoon ,u left to deal with ur chatter and we had a talk ...I was really hoping to cool u down and u seemed ok to me....u kept on reminding me that this is the last day,and it was really like a big thug to my heart...I wish u could stay longer,but u need this,so yes I am happy,... after-all I could call u...I tried to calm down my heart...a good nap would raise my mood...so I set my alarm at 4.0 nd went to sleep...

I open my eyes and all I could sense was that I am lying....it was such a deep sleep...and thn my conscious returned...I have to come online....nd then we had some chat...nd when my parents returned ,I suggested to return at 8.30.. Time flew away nd whn the time came ,we where both hurrying with our things....this is the last hours....and I have a lot to say.....but still nothing comes to me..I wanted to say how much I love u...how much u mean to me nd all...still words failed to come ...there isn't a single sec in my life now without thinking about u.....time seemed to fly...I wanted to give u a big apology ,my senses were fighting with my conscious...how would I call u and give u an apology....then whn u asked me abt my last wish....I purposefully ignored u...'I'm sorry' ...bcoz the answer would have been to spend that hour with u as my future one nd my family nd ur family together at one place with our kids ,bcoz this is the greatest fortune i'ld ever have'...but if I'd had continued u'ld feel bad about leaving...nd i've already sensed u sad of leaving, I just wanted u to feel as less sad as u can...I didn't want u to be more sad nd tensed, If u read this...plz don't get sad, bcoz u'll be there with me again ...jst a day less than 9....see the count is decreasing....

The tym was jst running away soo fast...i didnt even had the tym to say see u..:(  yep we''ll see again for sure...and I've typed an apology....i didnt evn know u'ld receive it or nt ....have a gr8 sleep dear....and after many days,its the first tym ,i'm goin to start my day without ur gud mrng...will see u in my dreams with me....I really thought i needed to write this tonight itself...I'm goin to leave a msg in ur phone now....sleep well dear....praying to god u'll take a gud decision tmrw nd give a reply to ur brother....tc

In my dreams I see u...

Yet another day with ups and down....

The bed was warm and cosy.....I hugged my pillow more tightly....to my dismay,my mother comes shouting my name .....I opened my eyes and looked at the time....'9.00!!!' ....OMG....my mom's goin to freak out....praying in my mind to have a good day,and still having the hangover of my splendid dream,i walked reluctantly out of my bedroom....as expected my mom's in her bad moods,but as my usual routine,I hugged her from behind and gave her a quick soft kiss...my plan worked,she's calmed down...

I had a chat with u...told u about my dream and then there came a conversation that slightly caused my mood to alter...why did u say that...yes i was a bit sad but then i sensed u are getting more tensed and sad..i felt sad too...I know u didn't really mean it ..and I get what i needed to get my mood raised ...ur apology.. :D liked it a lot...and i totally forgot the incident...


I was supposed to meet u at evng...with a half mind i went out with my cousin...came bac and saw a post by you telling u miss me ...''I was really touched "..yes i miss u too...but then your sry along with that...NO!,u don't need to be sry dear...while chatting u told me abt that Ms. ihrd adoor,Frankly speaking a pang of jealousy strike me...why is she messing with you?...hmmm....hope I'l get over being possessive about you one day....then at a time I find u delaying the replies....I was a little confused...bt my mind convinced me its ur chatter problem and yes it was...but then i decided to play with u a little to get an apology...."my usual self"...with a naughty soul


Then there came some angel nd devil aspects...nd seriously i dont think u r a devil...u r indeed a good person,jst being naughty that i love....


After that there were some serious conversations..between u and ur brother...nd i felt really really happy that u told everything that is worrying u....and I really hope that i could do something to relieve u frm ur worries...
Then we had some real cheesy talks...which i love....i love being with u and i am completely lost in some other world when i'm with u...I love hearing to ur worries ,ur carefree talks, ur i'm innocent behaiviour ,everything....jst cant keep my mind out of u...


Goin to sleep dear,worrying about tomorrow,u r goin 2 leave...hope the sun doesnt set tmrw....have a gr8 sleep,with a tension free mind....take care my chweety cutie angely devil ....<3

Days goin' by and u mean more and more to me.....

Dear U,


As each day,hours and seconds pass by u make me realise how much u mean to me....and my dreams are going to a level that confirms to it....Badly,I was disturbed by my mom...but then there's still this night...we have lots of days and nights left to continue....

Another gud mrng msg frm me...nd ur reply...as it heads to discussion of our dreams....u came to a point when u said ur dream was with ur angel ...."my soul was like lit with a 1000 watt bulb".....suddenly to my utter dismay...when i asked u was it me,.u replied no... :( ...I would rather die a thousand deaths...u continued to tease me...and then came my cue... :p ....I can also play this game.... u asked me if i felt bad... :D 'Sure it did '...but still I knew u were teasing me....Lets play this!!! ...Yep sure ....i replied with my usual hmmm...
and then ...wow ....u offered me an apology... gr8 :D ....I was smiling inside...Do u think a single one would calm me... No dear ...Still I kept on my disappointed tone....nd yes it works.....Then to  heart nearly suffered an attack ...U are going  2 call me... God !! nooo.....U would easly catch me when u hear from me ,also what am I supposed to say....' Give me lots of apologies....sheesh....I am embarrassed to hell....' nd then u call me!!....what am I supposed to say ?....Hmmmm.........u keep on asking me if i am still angry ...no ...but how would i admit it....ok ,thn ഇത്തിരി   weight ഇരിക്കട്ടെ ........I replied 'yes still i am a bit angry'....to my happiness u told me to meet online....ohh!! back to breathing normal.....nd then u told me about the dream..... the fog-with me....nd french....wow....an unknown sensation crawled my stomach....butterflies kept flying around.....u brought me to the amazon...but .. :(...then comes my parents.

long 5 hours..i was lost in amazon....and i rushed to come online.....I remembered I didn't write 2days notes....and I awe u an apology...bcoz i'm stealing ur time to write this...

Later I had a small nap at about 6.30 and all that I could think was about u..hoping to see a gud dream i slept but i was awakened my some sound...being alone in the house i startled and i missed my parents and u ,I asked them to come back..they came within minutes....and my mood was again raised by my soap serial.... :D It was a gud scene indeed .... a small fight and then the actor being naughty gave her an apology...When we started to chat you told me that u were angry bcoz i left earlier....oops !! hurt u again :(...
I felt sad really....If I was with u ,I'ld have told u how much I missed u and the reason I left was bcoz I was tired and I wanted my full senses to be with u when i'm chatting with u.....U seemed to be tensed...I could sense that from ur tone....Oh God !! I felt sad seeing that...why are u tensed ,i could'nt bear it....


Then we had some good talking..except later when u asked what I know about u....Ho..Is there something u r hiding from me?about u?....I was really tensed...
Then those serious discussion..I was really happy u told me everything openly...Don't wry everything will be fine...Follow ur mind set it to ur goal...and u'l be fine....I am still hugging my pillow...Goin to sleep...with a lot of sweet memories...hav a gr8 sleep dear...